I’ve Decided To Be Proud

Oh, the pitfalls of equating your value with someone’s opinion.

“You worry too much,” “You should’ve known better,” “You’re too trusting of others,” “Wow, you’re emotional.”

Opinions aren’t always bad. They can keep you humble. They can point out your blind spots, and they can help you improve.

But here’s my problem. I’ve come to dismiss positive opinions and obsess over negative ones.

I’ve also shared deep thoughts and fears with people who may not care, who aren’t ready to hear them, and who aren’t truly on my team.

I’ve never lived a day in a man’s world, but I can tell you this much – being a woman is tough. Women respect emotions. They don’t scare us, they teach us. They help us understand and connect with human beings. But we aren’t respected when we express them.

Women analyze their world and constantly try to determine whether they should trust their environment, especially the relationships they make. Sometimes it can reach self-destructive levels, but we tend to be mocked regardless. We can say we’re worried about a murderous man lurking in the bushes, or that we are worried that a business deal sounds too good to be true. Somehow “worry” delegitimizes either concern.

So far, as an adult, I’ve learned that I should stand up for myself, but not always because that could make me look self-righteous. I should say what I’m thinking, but I shouldn’t be too open or someone might think I’m obsessive, or worse – crazy. I should be confident, but I likely don’t know what I’m talking about. I should be strong, but not have too much muscle. I’m athletic for a girl, but I probably can’t hang when it’s a coed game. I should do the project myself, but I’ll probably do it wrong. I should tough out the pain, not go to the doctor, definitely not take medicine, and there’s probably nothing wrong anyway. I should grow tougher skin but not change who I am.

If all this sounds like I can’t possibly win, then you know how I feel…wait, I shouldn’t say “feel,” that discredits the point I’m trying to make somehow.

My point is, I’m tired. And I’m done letting others get in my head, or worse, influence my actions.

I like who I am. I’m proud of who I am, and even more proud of the woman I’m trying to be.

And the best part is, I now know who to recognize who’s really on my team.