Stream of Consciousness

So, let’s do this.

All my life, I’ve been told by father figures that I’m a prize. I guess that translated to me an expectation of how the man who came to love me would act. He would drop his whole world and pursue me. He would make his intentions known absolutely. And he would confess his feelings gushingly…

I truly don’t know where to go from here except to acknowledge that there’s a story and a past on his side too. Whatever he’s lived through, it’s taught him something that has made him think that he needs to hold back. Save a part of him for when it’s not as big a risk. And he gets to have a say in all this as well.

Physiologically, my body says, “Protect yourself. Run if you must. Don’t let yourself be hurt.”

So, what happens now?

I want to be loving. Tender. Compassionate. Patient. I also want to be fierce. Solid. Brave.

I guess it’s our journey, and we’ll figure it out.

And now that I think about it choosing this is brave, compassionate, and patient. I guess I am getting closer to the woman I want to be…